The “pain cave” is an expression that’s used by athletes. It refers to the point in a workout or competition where the activity seems impossibly difficult.
Every part of your body is screaming at you to cease the exercise and your brain isn’t far behind. At this point, you can listen and give in or you choose to endure your time in the “pain cave.”
Cuckold angst can be a similar feeling. I was in the cave since last Thursday enduring mental stress and anxiety.
I crave cuckolding, I love my wife more than anything in the world, she is my everything! My goddess.
It started off fun. A true fantasy of a workplace fling turned into reality.
Flirting on Tuesday.
More flirting and dressing sexually on Wednesday with a lunch date agreed on for Thursday.
Then flirting and texting. Kissing and groping. Lunch time sucking and fucking. An intimate night in a field, a male and female connection, raw fucking.
All while I was at home playing scenarios over and over in my head some partly true many false.
I wrote a post about waiting. Waiting is hard!
Being a cuckold husband while your wife is cuckolding you, having an amazing experience also can be difficult.
A lot of false fear can creep into the mind.
Fear that she doesn’t care about you. Fear she is no longer thinking about you. Fear she will fall in love and leave you. Fear she won’t come home. Fear she doesn’t want you involved. Anger she is not involving you more. Jealousy that she is being sexually devoured by an alpha man who can fuck her better.
She came home to me Thursday night.
She tried to comfort me, even had sex with me knowing, although I was in this pain cave, I was still turned on by her sluttyness, by her cuckolding me, her having amazing sex.
It didn’t get me out of the cave though and she didn’t stop. More flirting by text on Friday. Sexting in the car with him as we drove for a weekend getaway.
She told me she knows I just need to process it. Cuckolding has its highs and lows. We could choose for her not to have sexual relationships with guys, not to experience sexual adventure and sexual satisfaction. Then we would be choosing not to have any highs, just living in the middle with lows of sexual ruts all marriages experience.
So I was competing in an endurance event on Sunday. I was going into the athlete pain cave I referenced above. I told myself in my head I have been in the pain cave for the last 3-4 days, I can endure it to finish my race strong. I finished it strong and it brought me out of both caves. The cave I put myself in through cuckolding pushing my mental limits and the cave I put myself in through endurance pushing my physical limits.
When you come out of the pain cave you achieve a new level of mental and physical strength. You have stressed your muscles and by doing so they get stronger. It is a rewarding experience. The pain cave is an opportunity and not a sign of weakness.
My wife and I have a loving, trusting marriage. She is not cheating on me and I derive a lot of pleasure focusing on the erotic elements of my wife’s sexual adventures. Even when I go into this “pain cave”.
As I mentioned in my waiting post the cuckold cravings will continue. It gives me sexual pleasures greater than I could ever experience without it. This is the same for my wife.
My fears are false.
Cuckolding me makes my wife feel closer and more intimate with me because I give her the freedom to explore. She tells me it doesn’t push her away from me but makes me that much more appealing. Makes her want to be that much more closer to me.
I get hung-up on expectations, I want to be included. I let my mind run and then go down a hole. Through these experiences I learn to better manage it.
I loved my wife acknowledging this is hard for me. I need to hear that now and then. I’m not going to write about it here but this is where teasing and humiliation are helpful.
She does fully involve me. She is not cheating on me. She shares all the details with me. She shares the text messages with me, writes me when she is being slutty and flirtatious with other men. She has me help her get ready by picking out her outfits. She lets me know she is going to be out of contact so she can sexually enjoy herself. She comes home to me well fucked, sexually fulfilled and again tells me the details and gives herself, her body to me sexually, emotionally and intimately. She does everything perfectly.
My wife is perfect. I am not always perfect.
It can be hard for me sometimes to see my weaknesses as this great opportunity for her and I. Cuckolding brings both of us sexual fulfillment, more so than if we chose to be monogamous. I have a small penis and I lack the assertive personality my wife fantasizes about giving herself to. The whole point is for my hotwife to have experiences that I cannot provide. This includes her being ravished on a field by a thick well hung bull!
One of my difficulties as a cuckold husband is letting go and being the bata male I am. When my wife meets a guy like she did last week choosing him for his sexual prowess and assertive attitude he is the alpha male. I accept the role supporting my wife fucking him, coupling with him.
As I have mentioned in my other writings for me this feels strangely natural. Even when I have angst. I after all gave my wife permission to go to him on Thursday night. I helped her dress sexy for him! I love being her life partner, father of her children, best friend, loving and supportive husband while inviting men into our marriage who match her sexual needs better.
That said it is not always easy for me to let go of my own alpha tendencies, my own competitive drive.
Although I once again was not able to fully manage my cuckold anxiety I am excited for my wife to see this bull again. I am already craving it. I want to sexually empower her.
My wife doesn’t go into a pain cave per se like I do. When she does cuckold me it strengthens our bond. Her and my sex life flames extra hot and continues to burn with love year to year.
In an article on a cuckold marriage website the author talks about strengthening the marital muscle:
“Muscles, as we know, grow weak without use. Taking that analogy a bit further: a muscle doesn’t strengthen through use – it has to be actively exercised, broken down, rebuilt stronger. Cuckolding is an ideal method for exercising the marital muscle because it knowingly and lovingly violates the societal norms of monogamy and requires a couple to communicate effectively through mental, emotional and physical channels.
Couples in a healthy relationship routinely make use of their marital muscle, but rarely exercise it. Exercise requires putting the muscle under strain then allowing the muscle to heal and rebuild itself. When a hotwife dates, for example, she exercises the martial muscle. When she comes home to her cuckold, cuddles with him in bed and begins to share her experience with him that day, the next day and/or over the days and weeks to come, the marital muscle is rebuilt stronger. In truth, it’s not only the act of the hotwife’s dating that causes this exercise, it’s any and all of the aspects of cuckolding including date preparation, shopping for her dating outfits, their communication between dates, loving teasing between the hotwife and her cuckold, and so forth. This is why adding new aspects to the experience or deepening the scope of an individual aspect adds to the bond’s strength – each adds a new fiber to the larger marital muscle.
When a hotwife shares her (dating) experience with her husband it helps the husband feel he was included: feeling included is critical to helping the cuckold manage his anxiety. It’s not that a husband doesn’t want to share his wife, it’s more that he’s been taught from an early age that other men are always a threat to the relationship. It’s the hotwife’s responsibility to demonstrate that’s not the true.”
You can read the full article here: https://cuckoldmarriage.info/building-the-bond/
In the end, the hotwife pain cave for me is a process of letting go of my ego. That is why it is sometimes hard being a cuckold because it challenges my ego and it turns into many fears.
When I can let go of my male ego, come to terms with my true self and enable my wife to enjoy alpha men in her life I am the bigger man. I am the happier man.