When I first met my wife I was a very confident lover. I always have worked hard to please the women I have been with and have been confident in my ways bringing them pleasurable orgasms. I have always enjoyed pleasuring women. It was never for me, about me fucking them, getting myself off sexually and being done. I have never been a dominant lover, I have been a giving caring lover.
Oral sex has been my go too as well as my endurance. I didn’t know I had a below average cock until my wife and I started swinging. I guess I probably had an idea, but once we opened up our relationship it was very clear.
Cuckolding has brought me a lot of joy as well as sexual guilt. I honestly felt guilty getting off sexually by my wife having other lovers. There was a sense of humiliation, but this humiliation brought me guilt and angst. I was in a constant self evaluating shell.
Cuckolding turns me on but it doesn’t make me feel sexy. It makes me see my wife as sexy, it makes me desire her sexually more. It is my wife being sexually free and slutty that turns me on. Her including me in the experience that turns me on.
What makes me feel sexy?
We have had fun swinger adventures where I felt sexy. The two of us purchasing fun sexual outfits, dressing up, going out to be slutty.
Putting on a pair of fishnets, making my lips soft, and kissing my wife makes me feel sexy.
Being slutty with my wife, licking her fucked pussy makes me feel sexy.
Sharing cock with her, worshipping and sucking it together makes me feel sexy.
Dressing up sexy and driving to someones house to be used sexually, makes me feel sexy.
Erotic humiliation sometimes makes my cock hard but it doesn’t make me feel sexy.
As children, we all began as sexually innocent adventurers touching our genitals with no sense of shame or embarrassment. For us, it was a journey of discovery, wonder, and a feeling of pleasure.
Until one day, an adult made us feel guilty or embarrassed about what we were doing by taking away your porn or saying silly things such as:
“Stop touching your wee-wee, it’s embarrassing.”
“Shame, shame, shame.”
“Nice girls don’t do that.”
“It’s a sin to have sex”
“You can’t have sex with more than one person”
“Boys who dress up like girls are fagots”
“Boys who suck cock and like to get fucked are gay”
“Girls that sleep around are sluts”
It is the beginning of the learned emotion of sexual guilt. So as I began my cuckolding journey the humiliation aspect was a comforting aspect for my sexual guilt. After all I should be humiliated that I have a sexual hot wife who loves to get fucked by big cock and cums harder than on my small cock. I should feel humiliated that I can’t fuck her the same way an alpha bull does. I should feel humiliated that I enjoy watching her have sex. I should feel humiliated I like to rub my little cock while she is being pounded by a huge cock. I should feel like a faggot for wanting to suck cock.
I shouldn’t and I no longer want to. I LOVE that my wife orgasms harder on big cock and I love how hard she orgasms with me when sharing the experience. I love spending hours making love to her and pleasuring her with my tongue, my body and my mind. I can’t fuck her in the same way as a dominant sexual male, we are different and she loves that variety as do I. I like that I have a small cock that fits in panties. I like that I can get my wife off being in touch with her sexual needs. I have enjoyed being with other men.
Something changed in me when my wife started to have me wear a thong all day. Encouraged me to try make-up, wear heels, helped feminize me. It made me feel sexy.
Something changed when my wife had me suck her lovers cock. I felt sexy and not guilty for enjoying that I like sucking cock and am attracted to doing it.
Something changed when my wife allowed me to dress up like a woman, go to someones house to be sexually used. I felt sexy, desired, wanted.
Something changed when my wife kept accepting me sexually, I have started to accept myself without guilt.
It is a much better feeling to want someone to use you sexually, to share yourself sexually, because that is what they and you desire than to try to turn it into some sort of humiliating experience to make it mentally accepting.
I have not pin pointed it yet, but I think there is a difference between enjoying being sexually submissive, enjoying being dominated by another, being a cuckold, than being humiliated.
After all, those naughty little sluts who like to fuck multiple men, like to be sexually promiscuous, sleep around on their husbands, love black cock, love to be used sexually, love the feeling of big cock. They may feel sexual guilt, which they shouldn’t, but there is no humiliation. They desire and want it and that is the same as me.